Pothos: The Manliest Houseplant

I have killed many houseplants in my life, and will strike again. There are only two plants that have ever survived: some kind of cactus and an Epipremnum aureum. This is more commonly called pothos (poe-thuss) ivy. It likes medium light, but can handle low or intense light. It likes to be watered, but can go without and not die for ages. It grows like it's trying to reach you. If time were sped up, I swear it would murder people. It is truly a man's plant.

The one I can't kill is on my office desk right now, watching me. Next door a coworker has one that is thriving in nothing but a glass of water. In the office after that, there is a specimen so huge that its owner thumbtacked vines up a wall. Every December we decorate it with flashing lights and Christmas bulbs.