I spend a lot of thought preparing for the day I am rich. It could happen when I least expect it. I don't want to be caught unawares.
It's comforting to know that in the event of wealth, I would have already invested time earmarking purchases. I am sure I'll be very busy doing rich guy things, so I'll be relieved to have already done the research on the features of my condo, the qualities of the luxury car and the vintage of electric guitar I'll need.
I attended a meeting in a room where someone was foolish enough to leave play-dough lying out where any crazy could use it. I did what anyone else would have done in my position: created an alien monkey. That reminds me, I haven't been to AngryAlien.com lately.
I think this sculpture came out better than my wasabi snowman but I had superior raw materials. Unfortunately from this camera angle you can't appreciate its long blond dreadlocks.
If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd want to name it Hsu-Yoo II or Peking Tom's, but I worry what kind of customers that would attract.
Today at work the urinal and surrounding floor was stained orange. I thought maybe somebody just dumped their excess Tang in there but it has happened several days in a row. Nobody can drink that much Tang.
Etiquette tip: If you have a urinary tract infection, please take sharper aim. Nobody wants your diseased fluids splattered around the facilities.
Every Sunday the local Mexican buffet has menudo. I don't eat menudo so technically they have all-I-can-eat every day. And so does every other restaurant in the world.
My spell checker kept asking me to change the word "menudo" to "menu do". I think that is a restaurant based martial art.
I never seem to be more than a month away from a useless holiday. The weakest Hallmark Holiday might be Sweetest Day, because it's a sequel. It should be renamed "Valentines II". There is a chance I will observe it due to feminine coercion, so I am giving the "Crappiest Holiday Award" to Boss's Day.
If one day, through some sick cosmic practical joke, I become a boss, I will still refuse to celebrate. If anyone dares to decorate my office or get me a gift, they will get an official reprimand and be put on notice. I'll have signs posted that say "You wanna celebrate Boss's Day? Then get back to work."
I suppose I would celebrate Boss's day in my own special way.
Instead of a headstone, I want a Web page. I am going to have written into my will that a domain and Web host be funded for posterity.
This would not negate the possibility of a plaque or monument in a mausoleum or graveyard. But instead of having my name on it, it'd just have the URL.
This children's book is probably the thing most responsible for me studying Biology. Did you know there are snakes that can glide from tree to tree? How about how a giraffe drinks? It has to awkwardly spread its legs apart and learn forward to reach the water.
I sympathize. It is must be like peeing with morning wood.
As a boy I preferred toys that were assembled: model cars, legos, puzzles, oak credenzas. The problem is after they are complete, what do you do with them? Throw 'em away I guess. Today you can buy most of these items pre-assembled so they can be thrown away right out of the box. It saves time.
Or you could leave them in the box and store them for sale later at increased value. There is little young boys love more than investment opportunities. Ah, to return to those carefree days of youth.
I have a good slogan for Campbell's Select:
Soup: Its not just for hobos anymore.
