Mobile Phone Greeting Confusion

How many of us has been on either side of this situation?

A person answers their cell phone in public and says "Hi!" The person in front of them turns around and says "Hi!" right back.

Mortifying.

What can we do to prevent this? There needs to be a way to distinguish between a greeting when you are answering your phone and a greeting when you are trying to say "Hey you! Aren't you my long lost sister that I owe $100.00?"

I thought at first one could answer with the name of the caller. "Hi, Mike!" But you don't always know who is calling and it takes a moment longer to say. Even worse, depending on your relationship with the caller, it could make the aforementioned embarrassing situation much more horrifying. Imagine walking up behind a stranger and saying this:

"Hello, sexy."

"Hi, Grandma!"

We need a greeting that is simple, generic and clearly means "I am answering my phone." In Japan, they have such a thing: "Moshi moshi." What does it mean? Who cares. It's just what you say when you answer the phone.

I am going to start answering my phone this way, so if you are a person that calls me, be warned. I am sorry to break American cultural tradition, but if it causes me to stop embarrassing old ladies when my girlfriend calls for last minute requests at the grocery store, then I am doing it.

It Was a Dark and Stormy Write

San Jose State University has a yearly contest to write the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. The 2008 winners cracked me up so I thought I'd try my hand. The ones below aren't first-prize material, but I am still practicing.

- -

The night was dark - very dark - so dark, in fact, that I lack the skill to describe it, but it was really dark; you'll just have to trust me on that.

- -

Every two thousand years the demi-god Ah-Tumnah appears in the holy temple of his patroned city for one day, bringing blessings, bounty and miracles and on that day there is no celebration in all of Fablewilde that can rival even a fraction of the joy and majesty of the festival of Tumnah; but while the people patiently wait during the intervening millennia, a small but dedicated crew must clean the sacred temple daily: this is their story.

Communal Coffee

There are two identical coffee cups on my desk, both half full. I must have swiped somebody's coffee mug while wandering around the office.

I have been drinking from both of them. Gross.

But still not as gross as two coworkers and one cup.

Read Chapter and Answer Questions 1, 4, 7, 5 and 4

Is there anything more stupid and pointless than the questions at the end of each chapter from school textbooks? Discuss.

Not-So Super Hero

Salo-man: He has the power to cut children in half.

I Don't Smoke Marijuana

I am already too lazy and paranoid and a compulsive eater. Plus I believe every silly idea I have is a profound insight into the universe. I don't need the encouragement.

The Law of Sausages

The Law of Sausages States:

The truly wondrous and beautiful things in the universe remain beautiful and wondrous no matter how closely they are examined.

Suck It, Morons

Intellectualism and reason have been beaten bloody in the U.S. The warmongering right-wingers hate intellectuals, accusing them of insubordination and communism. The hippie left-wingers hate the oppression of the rules of reason and blame science for creating of the tools of war. The renaissance men of today have retreated to a dingy bar, getting drunk with Bukowski and listening to Tom Waits.

Which I guess is not so bad at all.

There's a Bright Side to Everything

The purpose of Nickleback is to make us realize that Creed was not so bad.

Welfare Television

I hear congress is passing an "economic stimulus" package that will give each of us poor people $600. If Walmart corporate is thinking, they'll price a 42" hi-def LCD at $599.00. Then everyone can line up with their refund checks for their government telescreen!