ETA on Midlife Crisis

My teenage son asked me when I was going to have my midlife crisis. I am guessing he wants me to buy a cooler car.

I had to disappoint him. My midlife crisis will probably never happen. I don't think I have ever been a hard-core adult, so I lack the prerequisite to a second childhood.

The foundation of a quality midlife breakdown is being a martyr: Work yourself to death for a demanding wife and oblivious children. Then when you snap, you can try to cram all the fun you had been missing into a year a debauchery.

Alas, I have paced my debauchery. I better start saving up now for my birthday.