It Was a Dark and Stormy Write

San Jose State University has a yearly contest to write the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. The 2008 winners cracked me up so I thought I'd try my hand. The ones below aren't first-prize material, but I am still practicing.

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The night was dark - very dark - so dark, in fact, that I lack the skill to describe it, but it was really dark; you'll just have to trust me on that.

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Every two thousand years the demi-god Ah-Tumnah appears in the holy temple of his patroned city for one day, bringing blessings, bounty and miracles and on that day there is no celebration in all of Fablewilde that can rival even a fraction of the joy and majesty of the festival of Tumnah; but while the people patiently wait during the intervening millennia, a small but dedicated crew must clean the sacred temple daily: this is their story.