Steamed and Soaked in Butter

Artichokes are vegetarian lobster.

Coffee Suicide

After ingesting a fair amount of caffeine today, I became curious as to how much coffee I would have to drink to risk death from overdose.

Almost every substance has toxicity data obtained from dosing a group of rats until half of them die. That amount divided by the weight of the rat is called the "LD50". According to wikipedia, the LD50 for caffeine is 192 mg/kg. We'll assume that is enough to kill me, or at least make me wish I were dead. To answer my question, I simply need to convert this figure to cups of coffee per me.

1 kg = 2.2 lbs
Chris = 180 lbs (of solid muscle!)
cup of coffee = 100mg

Now apply these ratios using skills leftover from my chemistry classes:

192 mg * 1 kg * 1 cup of coffee * 180 lbs
---------------------------------------------------
1 kg * 2.2 lbs * 100 mg * Chris

This reduces to:

157 cups of coffee / Chris

That is just under 10 gallons of coffee. Math is fun!

Horror Movie Drinking Games

If you celebrate Halloween the way I do, you will be looking for ways to combine watching scary movies with getting intoxicated. Here are two effective combinations:

While watching Poltergeist (a lovely family film from the people who brought you E. T. and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) you should drink every time somebody says "Carol Anne".

In the gothic horror classic Dracula, drink every time Bela Lugosi stares broodingly into the camera.

A Salute to Ranch Dressing

Ranch is only mayonnaise seasoned with onion power, but this fatty sauce is more responsible for Americans voluntarily eating raw vegetables than government-sponsored pyramids and motherly guilt combined. Now if we only could stop people dipping fried cheese sticks into it.

In Case of Emergency

I spend a lot of thought preparing for the day I am rich. It could happen when I least expect it. I don't want to be caught unawares.

It's comforting to know that in the event of wealth, I would have already invested time earmarking purchases. I am sure I'll be very busy doing rich guy things, so I'll be relieved to have already done the research on the features of my condo, the qualities of the luxury car and the vintage of electric guitar I'll need.

The Alien Monkey in my Mind

I attended a meeting in a room where someone was foolish enough to leave play-dough lying out where any crazy could use it. I did what anyone else would have done in my position: created an alien monkey. That reminds me, I haven't been to AngryAlien.com lately.

I think this sculpture came out better than my wasabi snowman but I had superior raw materials. Unfortunately from this camera angle you can't appreciate its long blond dreadlocks.

Perverted Chinese Lawyers

If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd want to name it Hsu-Yoo II or Peking Tom's, but I worry what kind of customers that would attract.

What is Coming Out of Your Urethra?

Today at work the urinal and surrounding floor was stained orange. I thought maybe somebody just dumped their excess Tang in there but it has happened several days in a row. Nobody can drink that much Tang.

Etiquette tip: If you have a urinary tract infection, please take sharper aim. Nobody wants your diseased fluids splattered around the facilities.

This Isn't Funny

I can't abide walking. It is so pedestrian.

All the Menudo You Can Eat

Every Sunday the local Mexican buffet has menudo. I don't eat menudo so technically they have all-I-can-eat every day. And so does every other restaurant in the world.

My spell checker kept asking me to change the word "menudo" to "menu do". I think that is a restaurant based martial art.